thoughts by ruby

Thoughts for Paul

It was your day today. The spotlight was on you. There were a lot of people there to share this moment with you. A little bit of laugher, a whole lot of tears. I didn't see you. Your pictures were all over the place, but you weren't there. I wish I could tell you that I felt your presence... but your presence left me when I walked away from work. You've been my constant companion in the workplace. I don't believe in ghosts, but everywhere I've walked... down the aisles, out in the yard... you've been trailing me like a lost puppy. Now, I'm sitting in the chapel listening to the love songs, watching your life pass before my eyes, and I don't feel you there. Am I supposed to let go? Is that what you're telling me? Am I supposed to finally realize that you're dead.

What did we mean to each other? I've been told I'm not so much grieving the past, but the future. You weren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I know at a party of this magnitude, all your positive traits and character gets highlighted. Maybe I focused too much on the negative and missed out of what you really had to offer in this friendship. I ran away every moment I could. I wish I could tell you what was behind the fear I still hold. But I didn't get the chance. I wanted to tell you I was willing to get to know you... but that didn't happen either. I regret a lot now... but one thing sticks out in my mind as I start the goodbye process. If you were still here... would I have the courage to tell you that I love you.

posted by Ruby Voigt @ 8:08 PM