thoughts by ruby

Did I learn anything in New Orleans?

I spend a week in New Orleans in April/2006. Can't say I logged all my prayers leading up to the trip... Really wish I could have logged in other people's prayers for me. But strangely enough, I think I found some answers to those unlogged prayers. I have to say thanks to one person especially. Kevin, if you're reading this... I'm talking about you.

Actually... why don't I just address this post to Kevin and everyone else can just read along.

Here's the scoop, Kevin... for many years I have struggled with the place of sin in my life. I'm a redeemed saint, cleansed by the blood of the Lamb. But... there has been a rather ugly thorn in my flesh that still plagues me. On the other side of the coin, there is an ugly thorn in a lot of my loved ones that also plagues me. One might guess which bothers me more... my sin, or the sin of others. This week I discovered the difference and realized in that difference, the astounding likeness.

When it comes to the things that drag us down as Christians, I always seem to think my sin is beyond mastering. I look at others and think to myself, "It should be easy for them to quit." I see the log in my eye, and it causes to me see everyone's else's obstruction as a speck. In the process, I can shed no sympathy.

Kevin, I've spent decades putting smokers on my dart board in life and taking cheap shots at them. Judging them without understanding. Believing it was me that was suffering because of their choice. (Isn't that what sin is... a choice that doesn't please God?) The sad thing is, I can't understand your pain in all this. It should be so easy for a believer who has put his/her faith in Christ to give up something that is "obviously" so destructive to self and others.

Kevin, what plagues me is not as obvious as a cigarette, but still as much if not so much more destructive. I am a sanctified believer in the grace and mercy of Christ... and yet I feel so bound by this "thorn".

I'm going to address the rest of this post to the redeemer of my life... Jesus.

Lord, You know the thorn and how deep it cuts into me. Some days the struggle is only in the temptation. Some days I despise myself for giving in. Everyday is one of hoping You come back soon... To end the seemingly endless war against my sinful flesh. My constant daily dream is to experience Your Spirit overpowering my flesh and giving me a victory over sin.

Oh Jesus... Is that how Kevin feels? I wish I knew.

posted by Ruby Voigt @ 6:47 PM