Frustrated
I wrote this about 4-5 years ago.. but I still find moments when I get frustrated with my Christian walk and wondering if Jesus has his moments of frustration with me. Because I'm yet not where I should be..."Frustrated. Lord, are you frustrated with me? Is my quest for holiness coming up pathetically short? Am I wading in my sorrow, my sin, myself? Have I forgotten your grace, your mercy, your love, your forgiveness? Am I preventing, in anyway, your redemptive power in my life?"
So many questions, yet I know what questions accomplish. Sometimes the wrath of God. Yet, amidst the wrath, I see a face that shows only compassion. Even through my distorted picture window, I see past the ugliness and despair. Yet with vision that is distorted, I see clearly His face. With no effort of my own, I see. I think the Spirit gives me eyes past the distortion to really focus on Him.
I can't even pray away the desert. The wilderness, the wasteland that I once wrote about, but never really felt. Oh, I have felt wastelands, or have I?
More questions. I remember standing, ready to jump. What kind of desert was I in then. Hopelessness, but never, never really without hope.
Now there is no hopelessness, no death, no hope of death. Pictures of heaven, yes, but no desire to speed up the will of God. I am waiting for something and I wonder how long it will take.
What I really want to know is... can I still bear fruit?
posted by Ruby Voigt @ 7:38 PM
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